Episode 3 - Coping In Retirement Together

Retirement as a couple requires give and take, compromise and support.  We each have a different idea of what our retirement is going to be like, but we have to match that up with our partner for each of us to have the retirement we want.  Today I'll discuss some of the issues couples can face during retirement and offer a few suggestions on how to cope together.

Transcript

Episode 3 – Coping In Retirement Together 

Coping in Retirement Together – Our topic today addresses the impact of retirement as a couple and a small sampling of issues that couples might face in retirement.  These things are probably more common when one partner retires before the other, but many of us can have coping issues or uncertainty as we make the transition from work to retirement.

For example:  My dad retired about 3 years before my mother did.  He quickly settled into a routine while at home by himself each day and he enjoyed the time gardening and doing some home improvement projects that he had long postponed.  One day he called and he seemed very anxious.   He just didn’t sound like himself and when I asked what was wrong, he told me how his new life was about to change.  Or at least he felt like it was going to be a dramatic change.  You see - My mom had announced the day before, that she had worked long enough and was going to retire at the end of the calendar year and it was already autumn. He wasn’t devastated, but he was so unsure of how this was going to work, and what adjustments he was going to have to make.  There was some frustration and adjustment by both and It eventually worked out, and my mom and dad enjoyed close to twenty years of retirement life together.  Some couples may not handle it as well as they did, but with some planning I think it will be a smooth transition. 

Disclaimer time … Before I get started, I have to let you know up front, that I’m not a professional in the field and I’m not a counselor of any type.  These are only my opinions. 

A few common problems are: 

1. Adjusting to change: Retirement brings about a significant change in routine and lifestyle, which can take some time to adjust to. Just as my example, my dad had a daily routine that he now had to adjust to accommodate my mom’s presence everyday. Couples may need to find new ways to spend their time and maintain a sense of purpose. 

2. Financial concerns: Managing finances can become more challenging in retirement, especially if there's a fixed income. Partners will need to navigate budgeting, expenses, and any discrepancies in their financial goals or habits.  There will be adjustments, but if we plan properly, we should be able to transition with very few hiccups. 

3. Differences in leisure activities: This is one that can give us some heartburn.  Each partner may have different interests and preferences for how they want to spend their free time. Each partner will have a different vision of what they expect from retirement so, balancing these differences and finding common ground can sometimes be a challenge. 

4. Loss of identity: The loss of our professional identity and loss of our social connections from the workplace can lead to feelings of purposelessness and isolation.  Especially true if one of the partners is really, happy with their new life and the other is not.  This can lead to conflicts within the relationship, so again, planning before retirement eliminates the issue.

5. Health Problems: As we age, health concerns may arise. Dealing with chronic illnesses or changes in physical abilities can place additional strain on the relationship, requiring adjustments and support from both partners.  

Back to my parents as an example:  Soon after my mom’s retirement, she was struck with a debilitating disease.  It caused tremors in her neck and eventually the muscles in her neck contracted in such a way that she could no longer turn her head and consequently could no longer drive.  This placed and additional strain on the two of them that they learned to deal with.  When we marry, we pledge to each other that we will take care of each other in sickness and in health, but that may be easier said than done.

Remember, every couple – every situation is unique, and these issues may not apply to each of you, However, being aware of these challenges can help couples address them and build a fulfilling retirement together. 

Let’s look at a few strategies couples can use to navigate this transition successfully: 

1. Open communication: Communication is key in any stage of a relationship, including retirement. Couples should openly discuss their expectations, goals, and concerns about retirement. This allows each partner to understand and support each other's needs. 

2. Create a shared vision: Collaboratively create a shared vision for retirement. Talk about the activities you both want to pursue, places you want to visit, and the lifestyle you envision. Having shared goals can provide a sense of purpose and keep you motivated.  Plan and set goals together that align with your interests and values. 

3. Find a balance between individual and joint activities: While it's essential to find common interests and activities to enjoy together, it's also important for each partner to have their own hobbies and interests. Finding a balance between individual and joint activities can help maintain independence while fostering connection. 

4. Plan financially: Financial planning is crucial in retirement. Discuss your financial situation, budget, and long-term goals. Make sure you're on the same page regarding spending, saving, and investments. Consider seeking professional financial advice to ensure your financial security. 

5. Stay socially connected: Retirement can sometimes lead to a loss of social connections. Encourage each other to maintain friendships, join clubs, or participate in community activities. Staying socially engaged can enhance overall well-being and prevent feelings of isolation. 

6. Embrace new opportunities: Retirement offers opportunities for personal growth and exploration. Encourage each other to try new activities, learn new skills, or pursue passions that may have been set aside during working years. Embracing new experiences together can deepen your bond.  One thing my wife and I are going to share is her love of crafting and her side hustle.  We plan to attend several craft fairs and events this coming summer.  Will rent space and set up shop and enjoy the travel and experience together.

Remember, your situation is unique, and what works for you, may not work so easily for me and my partner.   The key thing to remember is that you need to approach retirement as a team, supporting and respecting each other's needs and aspirations. 

It takes practice, but there are ways that we can support each other as we move into retirement.

1. Emotionally support each other: Retirement can bring about a mix of emotions, including excitement, uncertainty, and loss. Be there for each other emotionally, listening and validating each other's feelings. Offer encouragement and reassurance during this transition. 

2. Share responsibilities: With more time available, it's an opportunity to reevaluate household responsibilities. Discuss how you can share the workload and divide tasks in a way that feels fair to both partners. Supporting each other in managing day-to-day responsibilities can help reduce stress and create a sense of teamwork.

3. Explore new hobbies together: Retirement is an excellent time to explore new hobbies or interests. Encourage each other to try new activities and find shared hobbies that you both enjoy. This can provide a sense of purpose, foster connection, and create opportunities for quality time together.

4. Give each other some space for personal growth: Retirement often brings the chance for personal growth and self-discovery. Support each other in pursuing individual passions, hobbies, or learning opportunities. Allow space for personal fulfillment and encourage each other's personal development.  Respect each other's need for solitude or time with friends. Balancing togetherness with independence can strengthen your relationship and ensure personal fulfillment. Respect each other's need for solitude or time with friends. Balancing togetherness with independence can strengthen your relationship and ensure personal fulfillment.

5. Stay physically active: Encourage each other to prioritize physical well-being by engaging in regular exercise or physical activities. This can include going for walks together, joining fitness classes, or participating in outdoor activities. Physical activity not only promotes health but also provides an opportunity for quality time and bonding. 

6. Maintain a healthy lifestyle: Support each other in maintaining a healthy lifestyle by making nutritious food choices, prioritizing sleep, and managing stress. Encourage each other to engage in self-care activities and to seek medical care when needed. 

7.  Practice patience and flexibility: Remember that retirement is a significant life transition, and it may take time for both of you to adjust. Be patient with each other and allow room for flexibility as you navigate through this new phase together. Embrace the changes and adapt to the evolving dynamics of your relationship.  Our retirement years can be whatever we choose to make them.  Choose to make this a time of discovery and exploration.

8. Seek professional guidance if needed: If you find it challenging to navigate the transition to retirement or if any issues arise, don't hesitate to seek professional guidance. Couples counseling or retirement planning services can provide valuable insights and tools to help you thrive during this stage of life.  

Supporting each other in retirement is an ongoing process. Be attentive, understanding, and prioritize your relationship as you embark on this new chapter together.  

Keep the romance alive: Don't forget to nurture your romantic connection. Plan date nights, surprise each other with small gestures of love and affection, and continue to prioritize intimacy in your relationship. Keeping the romance alive can help sustain the spark and excitement throughout your retirement years. 

Celebrate milestones and achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate milestones and achievements together. Whether it's reaching a financial goal, completing a project, or marking an anniversary, take the time to recognize and appreciate each other's accomplishments. This will foster a sense of pride, support, and encouragement in your relationship. 

Finally, remember to enjoy the journey of retirement together. Embrace the freedom, relaxation, and opportunities that retirement brings. Make the most of your time together and create a fulfilling and joyful life as you embark on this new chapter. 

I hope you’ve found this episode useful and I hope you have a wonderful retired life with the one you love.  Please leave a comment and let me know how you’ve handled some of the issues that might have come up in your retirement.  Let me know if you’d like to hear more on this topic or another .. so, as I close today , please take care, enjoy yourself and I’ll talk at you later.